Do you know that One friend?
who is very comfortable doing the most. Who needs little encouragement to escalate any situation from 0 to 100. In fact, their starting point is 100, and rarely, if never, 0. That friend who LOVES the excitement. Dramatic is their natural habitat and they feel most at home, most safe in the arms of eccentricity. “Bright” and “bold” are no threats to them. Rather it is their welcome mat. Yes man, you know who I’m talking about right? Your mind is whispering their face across your imagination even now…
That friend who invites the audacity of different in every arena of their lives and make it their modus operandi. That friend who felt so seen when the mad hatter in Alice in Wonderland, said “all the best people are”… mad. That friend who is unapologetically themselves, not easily intimidated or swayed by the opinions of others; and they don’t back down when they’ve made up their minds. That friend who lives in a heightened grade of technicolour which sometimes seeps out to paint your calmly ordered world with it.
Yea… that friend. That friend is me. I am that friend.
I didn't always love the foolishness
But you know, I never did always love the foolishness. Funny enough, growing up I never considered myself to be “extra”. I thought myself to be a very reserved, calm child who played it safe and followed the rules. But somewhere along the way, between puberty, drama club and Jesus I turned into this mad oooman who will do her very best to swim upstream.
It Really isn’t until recently that I’ve observed –read heard my friends and parents repeatedly call me out on being extra, (but for the sake of appearing “in tune” and “self aware” we’ll go with observe)– this inner desire to just do a little more and go a little bit further than the generally accepted standard. In life, in work, and unfortunately, in love. Hey.. just being honest here.
I guess deep down I have this conviction that in all things, if possible, give a little more, go a little harder, dig a little deeper. Demolish the limits. Show up and show out. And it’s not because I want to be the center of attention. In fact that’s the place I hate the most after the crossroad tax office. I’ve just always treasured being present. Living passionately. Living fully alive. Showing up as your authentic self -as terrifying as that notion is to my INFP Myers-Briggs.
Every moment. Live exhausted. Live spent. Not carefully preserved or portioned out. Give your best. All the time. And if you have a little more, give that too.
an innate desire
And soon I realised this unshakable inescapable desire to live wholehearted was simply a veil hiding a more excellent way. A whisper of a higher calling, Not just to a belief system, or a code of conduct but to a Person. My one Friend. Who is the very definition of extra. He is The Way, The Truth and The Life. And He whispers to me to follow Him. Change you’re paradigm.
And as His whispers dare me to look behind the veil, what I see is a Man on a cross. Who being equal with God, did not consider it something to be grasped but rather became nothing, taking the form of a servant. Nothing. You want to know true extravagance? Lose your life. You wanna know breaking out of boxes? Follow the One who broke His skin to give me an eternal home.
And honestly, dah one ya rough. This way is so unnatural, so counter-intuitive bordering on madness (but all the best people are right?). That to find your life you must lose it. To live free, be restrained. That true extravagance is birthed from a heart that will go low, and lower still. A heart that will refuse the hidden chains of selfish ambition and self promotion or self care or self love or whatever the hip kids are calling it these days. A heart that will pay the cost for the sake of love, mercy and humility.
And that is my most authentic self. The self that looks like Jesus. So I’m on a journey to find her. To become her. To enter into a heart that lives lavish and loves free from fear, in ways others may consider reckless.
Maybe I'm NOt alone?
And maybe I’m not alone in this. Do you feel it too? Like a mad hatter knowing my life was made for more than just living for me. This inescapable urge, this inner cloaked kermit whispering to every bone in your body to be more, to live spent, to give your heartbeat everyday as a freewill offering of love.
Or maybe it is just me and ya’ll think I’m crazy. But either way, I wanna be that one friend. Who lives in the extra mile of broken extravagance.
So welcome. Welcome to my journey. Welcome to the secret life of being extra niggaz.
And i mean that in the most culturally diverse way possible (But Can I say that here?...)
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